there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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