If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
