went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you never un-have a 4some
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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