I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
