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• (303): View more from Colorado

  God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.

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• (607): View more from New York

  i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this

  (260): View more from Indiana

  You're my fucking hero

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.

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