I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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