I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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