i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
