Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
