i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
