It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
