she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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