remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
