What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
