i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
