she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
