Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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