I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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