in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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