My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you never un-have a 4some
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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