I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
