Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
