He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
