if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
