I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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