What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
