Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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