Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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