You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
