I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
