Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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