she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
