she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
