Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
PANTIES FOUND
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