Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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