i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
