Umm I'm too high to move.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
