I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
