piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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