I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
