What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
