people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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