i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
