My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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