No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
