grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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