One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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