Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
