dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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