At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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