pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
